Oh dear! I have neglected this thing again. I don't have lots of free time, and I am not sure how frequently I am going to be able to post, but I do like blogging..and I do like having a place to write my thoughts and I love reading other people's blogs, so I am going to give this another try...without any promises of doing better....

This morning, I stumbled across a blog belonging to a mom that 4 month old baby girl suddenly died. As I read her posts describing the day her baby died, the day of the viewing and of the funeral, I literally hurt for their family. It's an odd feeling to hurt so badly for someone you have never even met.... but it also made me step back and look at my own life. I have a beautiful, intelligent five year old girl snuggling right beside me because she "gets lonely in the morning". I laid there for a minute, crying, and just feeling her breathe, realizing what a gift that simple feeling was. When, just an hour before, I was wishing her favorite place to lay wasn't right on top of my face. I felt ashamed remembering my shower Wednesday morning. As I was shaving my legs, Hailey sat on the bathroom floor asking me questions about the kids in my classroom and telling me about her friends...and I actually thought, "I wonder what it is like to take a quiet shower and think". As I laid there, I thought about this mom, and how she knows what a quiet shower is like and what is like not to pick up princess toys every night....I changed my mind! I hope my baby always loves talking so much that her chatter fills my shower time. My thoughts are not quite as entertaining or uplifting anyway.

Being a single mom is tough. I would be a fool to say that I have mastered it. Sometimes I feel like it's a balancing act and if just one more thing happens, everything will turn into a total disaster. But that balancing act is my life, and it is a good one! Being Hailey's mom has shown me that I am a stronger woman than I ever thought possible. I had no idea I was capable of loving so deeply and selflessly until the moment I held Hailey for the first time. Sometimes I get so caught up in the cleaning, cooking, homework, discipline, medicine that is involved in being a mom, that I loose site of the fact that the book she wants to hear me read (even though we can both quote it since we have read it so much) or the walk around the neighborhood or the princess tea party in the living room brings so much more joy than knowing the sink is empty and the toilet is scrubbed. I am writing today's post to remind me and who whoever else might read this to remember what joy comes from the little things in life that we often take for grantit. Today, I am going to take time off from cooking and cleaning in the kitchen, and have a sandwich picnic with Hailey while we do whatever she wants to do....even if it is watching Hannah Montanna :)

Well, it's been a while. I said I was going to do a better job at keeping up with this....well, I'm trying. Life has been overwhelming lately, but it's going.... I am in the middle of my last semester of grad school, and facing a crossroads while considering the possibility of going somewhere to get my p.h.d. I am torn because I LOVE it here, but I also really want to get my p.h.d, but if I got it at Alabama, I am not sure that it would be very useful to me. I do have lots of reasons to want to stay here though, so I am leaning more towards staying here. Hailey is doing well. She is so spunky, smart and strong-willed. I love being her mom, but at the same time I know I am paying for my raising! :o) It's a joy though and I feel blessed to have her. I guess that's it. I didn't really have anything to say, but it has been forever since I've written anything on here, so I wanted to say something....Thanks for playing :o) I hope to be around more frequently!

Yesterday was a very rough day for me and I was so thankful for my sweet little girl who manages to make me smile- not matter what is going on around us. In the morning, while we were getting ready, Hailey was watching something or another on PBS...and Chuck E. Cheese is smart enough to sponsor their shows, so Hailey after she saw Chuck E. Cheese, she started talking about wanting to go to Chuck E. Cheese. I told her we couldn't go there because I didn't have any money. (no one has enough money to go there! That place has a 50 dollar cover charge!) Hailey looked right at me and said, "Momma, if you need money and have a mortgage, you can trade it for cash"! She caught me completely off guard with that one!

Later in the afternoon, she was pitching a fit because I wouldn't stop at a gas station to get her a snack and drink. (she wasn't starving! I packed a snack and drink from the house...) and I told her, "Hailey, if you yell at me one more time, I will take the snack I have for you, throw it out the window and feed it to the birds". Hailey didn't skip a beat and said, "The birds are all south for the winter. They won't be back until the spring". I couldn't argue with that one! Maybe we should cut back on the educational programing....It shouldn't be this complicated to reason with a four year old!!

Christmas...

A couple of weeks ago, Hailey got a Tinkerbell dress up box, and when we got home and she put it on, the first thing she did was try to fly. This scene made me think of Wilbur when he tried to spin a web. After a couple of failed attempts at flying, Hailey told me all she needed was a little bit of pixie dust. So, that is the only thing she wants for Christmas...I don't think I am getting her any for two reasons: 1. I don't want her to to be really sad when she realizes that pixie dust won't help her fly. 2. I don't want to vacuum pixie dust up for weeks. So now I am trying to get Hailey to think of anything else that she wants for Christmas, but she says that is the only thing she wants! I am a little worried that no matter what I do she will be disappointed this Christmas!

It's been a while...

I haven't posted in a while. I have been drowning in my own life lately. I am sure all the other moms that read this can relate to that.

Yesterday, I decided that the propensity to be drama queens is something that is naturally instilled in little girls. I took Hailey to get her Christmas pictures made. On the way there, she told me, "Mom, I have been thinking." (I always cautiously ask her what...there never is any telling what that girl is thinking) "I am not going to be able to smile today for the pictures because my heart is broken". I tried not to laugh, because broken hearts aren't really that funny....and I asked her why and Hailey said, "I am hungry because my daddy forgot to feed me breakfast". at this point, I coudln't help but laugh.....

Broken heart or not, Hailey's pictures turned out really cute. I can't wait to send them!

Don't be silly...

Hailey and I always have interesting conversations over dinner. Last night, she was telling me about the "new friends her class got". I said, "That's neat. Where did they come from?" Evidently, a girl named Ashley (who is "not as nice as Liz Morgan") and a boy named Jaumari? (who "lookeed a little brown") Hailey looked at me like I was crazy, shook her head and said, "Don't be silly. They came from their moms and dads."

Sometimes Bribing Backfires....

Tonight was the dreaded monthly grocery shopping trip at wal-mart. On the way, Hailey said, "momma, please can we go to bojangles?" I was glad she wanted that so badly, because I didn't lay out anything to cook for dinner and I never feel like cooking and cleaning up for dinner after buying all the groceries and putting them away....Anyway, while we were eating, Hailey started talking about her birthday, and telling me that she was ready for her next birhtday, so she wanted to change her birthday to October. I told her she would have to talk to God about that, because he was the ones that decided birtdays- not mommys. Hailey sat there quietly for about forty-five seconds (for those of you that know Hailey, you know I was fixing to start checking her vitals) and then looked at me and said, "Ok. I talked to him and he said that was a great idea."....

After the interesting conversation and deliciously fattening dinner, Hailey and I headed to Walmart. Somewhere in the middle of the Wal-mart trip, Hailey started acting like a little heathen so, I told her that if she sat down and did not say another word during the rest of the shopping trip (aiming high there), I would let her buy the Hannah Montana soundtrack. To my complete surprise, Hailey did that...and I ended up having to follow through on my bribe! So far, I have listened to the hoedown throwdown three times, the Climb twice and the Best of Both Worlds once...and that was only on the ride from Wal-mart to the house!! I wonder how long it will take for the cd to get scratched?