Oh dear! I have neglected this thing again. I don't have lots of free time, and I am not sure how frequently I am going to be able to post, but I do like blogging..and I do like having a place to write my thoughts and I love reading other people's blogs, so I am going to give this another try...without any promises of doing better....

This morning, I stumbled across a blog belonging to a mom that 4 month old baby girl suddenly died. As I read her posts describing the day her baby died, the day of the viewing and of the funeral, I literally hurt for their family. It's an odd feeling to hurt so badly for someone you have never even met.... but it also made me step back and look at my own life. I have a beautiful, intelligent five year old girl snuggling right beside me because she "gets lonely in the morning". I laid there for a minute, crying, and just feeling her breathe, realizing what a gift that simple feeling was. When, just an hour before, I was wishing her favorite place to lay wasn't right on top of my face. I felt ashamed remembering my shower Wednesday morning. As I was shaving my legs, Hailey sat on the bathroom floor asking me questions about the kids in my classroom and telling me about her friends...and I actually thought, "I wonder what it is like to take a quiet shower and think". As I laid there, I thought about this mom, and how she knows what a quiet shower is like and what is like not to pick up princess toys every night....I changed my mind! I hope my baby always loves talking so much that her chatter fills my shower time. My thoughts are not quite as entertaining or uplifting anyway.

Being a single mom is tough. I would be a fool to say that I have mastered it. Sometimes I feel like it's a balancing act and if just one more thing happens, everything will turn into a total disaster. But that balancing act is my life, and it is a good one! Being Hailey's mom has shown me that I am a stronger woman than I ever thought possible. I had no idea I was capable of loving so deeply and selflessly until the moment I held Hailey for the first time. Sometimes I get so caught up in the cleaning, cooking, homework, discipline, medicine that is involved in being a mom, that I loose site of the fact that the book she wants to hear me read (even though we can both quote it since we have read it so much) or the walk around the neighborhood or the princess tea party in the living room brings so much more joy than knowing the sink is empty and the toilet is scrubbed. I am writing today's post to remind me and who whoever else might read this to remember what joy comes from the little things in life that we often take for grantit. Today, I am going to take time off from cooking and cleaning in the kitchen, and have a sandwich picnic with Hailey while we do whatever she wants to do....even if it is watching Hannah Montanna :)